Okay, so of course the past 2 days since seeing the cancer doc I have been pretty bummed.  I don't remember the last time I have felt like this and it really is not cool and it is not me.  I really have not felt like listening to anyone else's problems, give any advice or really leave my house.  However, I have continued to do all of the above despite the way I felt.  I must say, I am very thankful that I have a purpose in life because without having to care for other people and interact with others I would probably wallow in my own self pity, which again is not cool and is not me.  Bible study last night was AWESOME!  My husband is an amazing teacher. He makes the Bible seems so real.  His topic was Divine Forgiveness (which also happens to be the title of my second book).  While talking about forgiveness we traveled over to a discussion about how God is able to do things that our minds cannot fathom.  One woman said, " we run around here worrying about things that we have no control over when we are supposed to put all of our trust in God and stop worrying about it."  Of course Albert looked right at me when she said that.  I know, I thought.  I know.

This morning as I was on the elliptical machine watching the news I saw where a man in Washington State (I think) killed 6 people yesterday then himself (7 dead), an 18 wheeler somewhere else crashed into a car killing 5 people yesterday (5 more dead), an 18 wheeler crashed south of Montgomery yesterday killing 1 (1 more dead), a coach from Choctaw County and his son were killed on the way to Disney last week (2 more dead).  I immediately thought, Wow, these people did not even have a chance to fight for their lives.   I have the opportunity to fight and will do so!  This little bit of cancer will not win!  We are supposed to die to the flesh daily; well this illness is a part of my flesh.  Daily I pray for it's complete destruction with no chance of recurring anywhere else in my body.  Please pray with me and over your own situations as well.  "I am more than a conqueror!!!!"

AMEN!!!!!

Breast Cancer- God will turn it into something good. Don't worry.

Life truly sucks at times!  One minute it seems that you are on top of the world preparing to go on a dream vacation.  The next day you find out you have breast cancer.  Imagine that!  Breast cancer at the age of 36.  Despite all of the exercise, watching what I eat, never smoking, no alcohol, reading my Bible, going to church, being nice to people, breastfeeding both of my kids for over a year each I still have breast cancer.  How in the world did I end up in this predicament?

I counsel my patients everyday on the 1 in 8 possibility of getting breast cancer as a woman but I never really believed I would be that 1.  My first reaction was "Lord, I do not have time for this.  I just started my medical practice.  I am the only provider in the office.  What in the world am I going to do with my patients?"  I was more frustrated than scared.  Initially the fact that this diagnosis could actually kill me did not cross my mind.  In my mind I have only viewed this as another struggle.  Until today after meeting with the Oncologist I never considered that this diagnosis could actually be life threatening to me.

Stage I, Level II invasive ductal carcinoma Bloom-Richardson score 6/9.  My tumor is very small, 6-8 mm which in itself is amazing because most tumors are not found until they are 2 cm.  However Level II, grade 6 means it is a moderately aggressive tumor.  I am ER/PR negative which means Tamoxifen would do nothing for me.  I'm also Her 2-Neu negative which means Herceptin won't work for me either.  I have what is called  a triple threat tumor which my Oncologist, Dr. Davidson, says is increasing in frequency in young, African American women.  Of course, no one knows why.  Despite all this, as, long as the tumor is < 1 cm when it is removed I should not require any chemotherapy, per Dr. Davidson.

So, here I am one month out from my double mastectomy with reconstruction wondering, "do I need to call Dr. Strickland (my breast surgeon) and ask her to take this thing out tomorrow?"  But, then I remembered what God has already promised me.  He told me from the beginning that He is and always will be in control.  "Do not be anxious for anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your request to God.  And a peace that surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Jesus Christ" Phil 4:6-7.  Just as I had peace when I had to deploy to Iraq leaving my husband and children, I have had nothing but peace throughout this entire situation.

So here I am, once again planning my dream vacation so that when I return I will be fully rested and at peace to undergo this major surgery.  I know God has a plan for my life and this struggle has only built and will continue to build my testimony and my faith in Him.  God promised to keep this tumor small, so I trust Him at His Word.  He promised me a long and fulfilling life, I will continue to trust.  He promised me that no weapon was going to prosper against me.  I trust Him.  He told me that I am more than a conqueror through Jesus Christ who I know lives in me. Just as God told Joshua to be "...strong and courageous..." I'm blowing my trumpet and circling this tumor and am going to shout and sing praises to my king until this battle is won.

So, devil, please note.  I am wearing that Full Armor mentioned in Ephesians 6, and my breastplate of righteousness is going to keep the cancer at bay until it removed from my body.

IN JESUS'S MIGHTY NAME!!!!  AMEN!!!!!!!